i don't sleep anymore

i have so much i want to tell you
and
show you
its in my
saliva
now

it tells my teeth not to shiver

its like putting music in a folder
its like putting all the
memories of the person you
love
in a cardboard box
or choosing to leave them scattered
about your life

so your room feels like a kiss

it bruises the heart not to be able
to throw away my dead bonsai trees
they needed me and i
let them die
i don't know how to do anything
but apologize to the only one left
and if a cardboard box had some colors
more like life than dirt
i wouldn't mind being
inside it

but somehow all those fucking trees
grow from that dirt
they eat our exhales
and they enjoy the sun
they do everything i don't know how to

so i'm letting them die

sometimes we burn our memories
and
sometimes we have forest fires

i tried to believe

its like if something can
go wrong
for me lately
it does
like death is throwing
little pebbles in my eyes
because death would rather see if there are any ripples
on the surface
of something that
just wants to be still
even water
the way it can be running
all so silent together
and there
at the divide between it and you
the air and liquid silence
there is this stillness
even though the earth
is spinning like a god damn mad man
because it doesn't know which
planet is laughing at it
that water has learned how to be still
but death is like a child
and it makes waves
maybe it likes that light
learned how to dance
before any of us
but did water ever really want to be it's floor
and
when those stones land in my
eyes
there isn't anything there for him
death forgets about me
and blood is just traffic
our accidents the jam
and where is my accident